It Bothers Me That I Have To Go
Nowadays, no matter how much I try to put off decisions until later,
I must admit that everything seems to bother me. For example, my
writing bothers me, because I have to be careful to be legible,
even to myself. I am quite sure I have had a stroke (the final
medical diagnosis is still pending), a small one I suppose,
since I still drive a few weeks after my 93rd birthday. At this
age, I must say that I do delight in people's amazement when
I tell them how old I am. But under all this is the knowledge
that I am the oldest male on either side of my family, maternal
or paternal, and I know I must go fairly soon. I just don't like
the idea. I've floated on the remark "Been there, done that" for some time now, but the notion that the moment is approaching when I can no longer say this bothers me. The truth is, I don't want to go.
There are many reasons. For too long I have behaved as if I could postpone going indefinitely, and thus have so many things that I must do first. I don't want my successors to find out how much I could have done that isn't done, not by a long shot. There are numerous notes and letters I must write. There are places I've wanted to travel, but never had the chance. Actually, each of you can, if you think yourself into my age, fill out the list. At least you can try to understand why I say that I hate to go.
posted by Donald Crowdis @ 9:34 PM
370 comments
370 Comments:
May your travels be long and full of joy and happiness.
I thought I'd share a little something that really touched me on this day, my 30th birthday.
As I get older I tend to feel older. My body isn't what it used to be, and my mind not as sharp but I still feel great. I'm full of energy and still ready and able to take it all on, and for that I'm extremely thankful.
This morning I experienced something very special, and it may very well be the best birthday present I've ever been given. Here's the story...
Donald Crowdis, the first host of the CBC's "The Nature of Things" and one of the key figures in the creation of the Ontario Science Center turned 93 years young exactly one month ago. He's also one of the oldest bloggers in the world, and his writings are poignant, insightful, and beautiful.
Today he published one of my photographs on a post entitled: "It Bothers Me That I Have To Go". Donald seems to feel that his time is coming and has been sharing himself and his thoughts with the world.
Donald, I want you to know that we're listening, and that we're touched by your writings in a way that words can't do justice.
Wishing you and you loved ones all the best,
Jerrold Litwinenko
I have to say, I am enlightened. I have been doing some extensive soul searching lately and feeling like I have missed some opportunities to do this and that ... you have made me re-think my "what if's". I am inspired. You touched my heart today. Thank you for that.
~Christina~
Dear Don,
I've never met you before and yet I believe you've got more life in your baby fingernail than most people in the world.
You are making the most of your life everyday. You write with thought and insight. I look forward to new comments from you.
Most of the teens and 'twen-teens' today appear angry and not to care about anything beyond the present moment. For instance, Nirvana singer, Kurt Cobain, lost faith in life and took his way out with a shotgun in his mouth.
Many kids today go to nightclubs and take drugs to numb themselves from their emotional pain.
I believe that since you enjoy every moment being alive, this gives you license to continue living.
I think the oldest person in the world is/was(?) 129 years old. That means you've got at least another 30 years to look forward to if you want to beat that person's record. You are still a spring chicken according to the World's Guiness Book of Records.
Keep strong and brave,
Always,
tf
Don, your frankness moves me, and I am inspired by how you've lived, and continue to live, your life. I am, quite literally, half your age, but your post today reminds me that I should not take my time on this earth for granted, that I should make it a point to do the things I want to do.
Thanks for that. And thanks for everything else. I'm still reading.
Don,
I recently found your blog and have enjoyed your comments, both past and present. I think today's blog is really one of the overlooked secrets of longevity. A desire/enjoyment in your current life.
I come from a family of long lived people on both sides, including centenarians when it was very common. One of the comments that was made by my grandmother and repeated by my mother, is that while the body ages the mind tends to be stuck somewhere in the 30s.
I hope to be reading your blog for many more years to come.
You write very frankly about a difficult topic. And I wonder if the fact that you hate to go has something to do with your longevity.
Don, I have just begun to read your blog and more and more I have become engrossed in your story. Your words guide my thoughts as I'm sure they do for others. I have told many friends about this sit and will tell more.
I my self am in my twenties and really beginning to find my path. And though my words do not come from experience they at least come out of empathy. The candidness of your frustration over death has moved me utterly and I sincerely hope that you accomplish all that you wish to and that your are happy. You an your words will be followed and remembered by many...
My wife's grandfather turned 102 last September and he is still kicking. You may have some time left. : ) You are in incredibly good mental shape based on your writings. Much more so than he was at that age. He also had a couple of strokes, but that didn't stop him. My wife calls him every Sunday and he is still coherent. He just likes to sleep a lot.
I should also note he is very content.
I was touched by your words. I just spent 3 weeks in England with my Nan and Grandad who are in their late 80's.
My father decided that he was going to die, so he took to his bed and within two days he was dead. I was mortified, I just couldn't understand why he did that because he was healthy and happy and enjoying life. The post-mortem revealed that there was nothing wrong with him, and it is still a mystery what killed him. He was 70 at the time. I believe that he willed himself to go.
Don, don't you EVER try that. You say you don't want to go, and we certainly don't want you to go. You are the Bloggers Godfather, and we all take note and learn from what you say and from your experiences in life.
"Live long and prosper!" - Spock
Your continuing mission, like it or not, is to continue writing to light the way for others who are following you.
Think of it this way, worst case scenario is that you've put all your ducks in a row and you have one (or 50) less thing(s) to fret about. With all those letters written, arrangements made, etc., you can get back to the serious business of enjoying yourself.
My grandfather lived to 95; he wanted to live as long as his mother did. But in the end, he hid illness so that it wouldn't be caught and told everyone he was ready to die.
I don't want to die, ever. I find it heartening that at 93 you're not ready yet, as I've been worried that the last few decades of my existance will be waiting to go, tired and used up.
Your perspective is so valuable. Thank you.
Don, it is good to hear anyone of age say that they don't want to go. You are so mentally sharp and so gifted with your writing that you can inspire the rest of us to lead our lives in such a way that we have little left to do when that time comes.
I wish more years for you, so you can achieve all those other things.
Don, you truly struck a nerve with those of use who read your blog. Although about half your age, I find myself caught up in the mundane day-to-day struggles that rob us of our ability to enjoy life, to dream and to cherish the gift of each day. Thanks for reminding us to rage against the dying of the light. May you be blessed with many more years!
Hay DON
Hay Saw You in 2000 Bloggers
Think American Idol meets Survivor with The Apprentice. Who gets voted off the island? Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down? Hired or fired? Do you Digg it? Use reality tv groundrules, and VOTE!
Hotel @nyware is paying the 2000 bloggers off in social currency. This is an open source call out there to vet out the 2000 to Hotel @nyware's new Z list of 150.
2000 Bloggers-Idol meets Survivor with Apprentice: Vote some off the island!
The @List Blogroll(It's like a Z list, only different)
http://hotelanyware.blogspot.com/2007/01/2000-bloggers-american-idol-meets.html
I suppose it bothers me and enriches me that I can't say that I can empathize with you.
I could say some offhand remark or some smug overly optimistic reply like, "stick in there kid". But I'm 30.
I'm just at the beginning of seeing the ending and I don't know if I'll appreciate it or not.
My grandmother is 95. She's been active and thankfully as coherent as you seem to be. She's been there done that as much as she would like to be and would be fine if she found out she had a week left.
Is she lying? Recently I've had reason to be both reminiscent and thankful as well as skeptical and selfish (not to imply that your feelings fall into selfishness).
It's ironic that you can't talk to the wisest people about your fear of death because I'm sure they don't really want to think about how much closer to it they are than you. At your age I'd bet it's become less and less of a moral quandary.
Ultimately "the end" is the end and something that we hopefully make peace with before you final moments.
I can't say I understand (yet), but someday I might at least be able to empathize. My best and long life to you. Health and good family.
Did you watch "Little Miss Sunshine?" I love the quote, "You are crazy to do heroin when your young. You are crazy not to do heroin when you are old." How do you feel about this?
I just had my fifth child at the age of 51. My oldest is 23 and my youngest 11 weeks. My life is filled with joy and children - and yet I look forward to tripping out or doing heroin (never have) at your age. Thoughts?
Don, what I realised is that this world we live in must still hold fascination for you if you're worried about leaving it. I find that a most positive thought. It suggests you had a good life, and that you're still curious about what we all are going to do here.
Barring accidents, I fully expect to reach your age myself. My family is pretty long-lived, so my expectations aren't that unrealistic. There's so much to see, so much to experience, so much to learn.
I think it's the greatest compliment to your life that you still aren't ready to let go. I salute you, sir.
- Marc Etienne
In Mythos Joseph Campbell, that great wise old man, offered a funny aside about this stage in the journey: "Also, let me just tell you secretly ... When everybody you meet reminds you of somebody you've already talked to, and everything you hear you've heard before, you're ready for another show!"
One of my favourite books on this subject: Old Pig.
All of us have to do what we do and go where we have to go...
And with that, I'm sure at some time in some place we all will meet...
Cheers Don...
Keith
Yes, I understand that it is a strange sounding feeling. But it is pretty common. We all have to face it. It's rather simple:
2 Things I feel you can consider
1) Do what you think you must do. Travel, eat, drink, party
2) Know you have to go. We all have to go !
mjagadish05@hotmail.com
j
I loved reading this post. And you still write with edge. And yes, I am another one of those who is about half your age and worries about wasting time. Take care Don.
Gday mate. Greetings from the east coast of sunny Oz. I'm so glad I found you. I'm just a kid of 53. If you survived the Halifax explosion, you have a charmed life and I hope it remains so. I will tell my friends about this site.
I hear you, Donald. When I go, the Reaper will have to pry the baseball bat out of my fingers. Because if I see him coming, I'm going to nkock his block off.
Seriously, sir... admirable sentiments admirably expressed. And I hope it's a long time coming for you.
Dear Don,
if you love life, have the financial means and can get used to the idea, you may always consider cryopreservation.
Best wishes,
François
Do what I've always told friends to do since I turned 40: if I should die, don't send flowers or cry. Just put an obit in the papers saying "She DIDN't want to go.."
thank you for such a bittersweet post to read. I have posted a quote and a link to your blog on my blog in the hope that more people will read what you have written.
http://wonderfullthings.blog.co.uk/
Dear Don,
I too think about leaving this world.
It's a really beautiful experience to, all of the sudden, realize that you are living in/on this world and all it has to offer.
I don't want to leave here either, but I know it will happen. I am an elementary art teacher in Japan and I love it...I am originally from the state of Wyoming in the U.S.
Sometimes I don't think that I am in the most productive position that I could be in...
I think that I do great things with children, and I love to see them experience a moment of "a-ha"!
Watching children create things from their own imagination is so great.
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable about what I am contributing to the world...but then I think about all the children I have connected to and how happy they have been once they have shown me what they have created.
I think that you are doing the same thing with your blog.
If one child out of the hundreds I have taught,remembers me when I am gone, that is enough for me.
If one person you have emailed or spoken to, remembers you after you have gone, (and I am sure there will be many) that is what the life process is all about.
I too am not ready to leave this life and I am 41 years old, but who knows, it might all end tomorrow.
But knowing that I have extended my thoughts and personality to others around me is all I can do.
Have you ever tried telling stories from your life to children? I am sure they would find it very interesting.
I love the fact that you are blogging to others around the world about your feelings.
Make no mistake...you are making an impression on others.
Best of wishes,
Kevin
Dear Don,
I too think about leaving this world.
It's a really beautiful experience to, all of the sudden, realize that you are living in/on this world and all it has to offer.
I don't want to leave here either, but I know it will happen. I am an elementary art teacher in Japan and I love it...I am originally from the state of Wyoming in the U.S.
Sometimes I don't think that I am in the most productive position that I could be in...
I think that I do great things with children, and I love to see them experience a moment of "a-ha"!
Watching children create things from their own imagination is so great.
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable about what I am contributing to the world...but then I think about all the children I have connected to and how happy they have been once they have shown me what they have created.
I think that you are doing the same thing with your blog.
If one child out of the hundreds I have taught,remembers me when I am gone, that is enough for me.
If one person you have emailed or spoken to, remembers you after you have gone, (and I am sure there will be many) that is what the life process is all about.
I too am not ready to leave this life and I am 41 years old, but who knows, it might all end tomorrow.
But knowing that I have extended my thoughts and personality to others around me is all I can do.
Have you ever tried telling stories from your life to children? I am sure they would find it very interesting.
I love the fact that you are blogging to others around the world about your feelings.
Make no mistake...you are making an impression on others.
Best of wishes,
Kevin
Wow. Thank you for that post. And it's just about the most motivation that I think i could possible get from writing. thank you.
Don,
As someone approaching my 50th birthday (29thJan). I know what you are saying.
Your comments have truly touched many peoples hearts and this is something that will NOT go when you have.
I had the pleasure recently to be in the north of Spain in a natural park. In Spanish there was a sign which said: "Take nothing but photographs, leave nothing but footprints."
It is not a fear of death or the unknown you are talking of, it is the 'there should be more time'.
Places to go, people to meet...
Thank you for your warmth and honesty.
James
You are an inspiration.
Dear Don,
you've made me get up off my arse today. I have a small child who is teething and I was feeling really, really low from the usual lack of sleep, and the commitments of a new job/house/car/etc, new family, new country and a new marriage.
I've felt in a bit of a slump in the last few days, honestly feeling like my life which was so free in the past, was on rails now, or somehow I was treading a path, and this frightened me into a bit of a stupor I'd have to say.
Your post has kicked me right out of it. Thank you for that, you've brightened up my day by making me think about where I am and what its really all about. If there's a path with a start, a middle, and an end, then it's important to walk it well, which is what you seem to have done while on yours, given by the way you write and the thoughts you allow into your mind and put bravely onto our screens. I don't want to get too gushy, but you've done something good today for at least one person. Cheers.
Warmest Wishes & Kind Regards,
Stephen Kinsella
http://www.stephenkinsella.net
http://www.elkeandsteve.com
Hey Don,
My owner, Joy, has died three times and come back. She told me to tell you that one has to make the decision to die, one isn't 'taken' against one's will.
However, it is soooo BLISSFUL 'over there' that it is very seductive to want to remain there. Keep shining your light and relax, you have more 'work' to do here.
Thank You
I personally wait death to be the final fulfillment... really, that will be the happiest moment of my life, and i do live a happy and creative life at the moment in my late 20s. i do understand the pain and sorrow too of the world today..
Death is something i look forward to, and is something i feel i'm preparing myself all my life.. living fully and unraveling secrets of the universe through the human experience on the way..
I believe death is not the end, but the beginning of something new, and i'm ready to dive there when the moment comes. This may be an illusion among others, i realise that, and it makes this even more fascinating...
Death is worth studying, i'd recommend that.. and not jsut what the western culture has to say about it, but the cultures around the world, ancient and modern.. Paradoxically, it might lead many to live a better life..
Death can't be avoided how much ever one tries to mask him or herself, and not accepting the change they attach themselves to.. but we are not the mask, nor the change, but something more constant.. albeit flickers in the wholeness..
i wish you all the best, maybe it's time for you to chill out for a while :)
Just by reading your blog, you've inspired & touched me along with allot of others I'm sure, with what you write about. Especially this entry... it truly is touching and has been burned into my memory—I wish you all the best. From what I can tell in your writing you're an amazing individual.
Cheers,
Jason, Columbus, Ohio
There's nothing worst than the predictable. When we are young, death is something like bacterias: We are afraid of them but we can't see. As we are getting older, death becomes a part of our daily concerns, like bacterias are for a surgeon. It is natural but we just have to take it, like paying taxes. Death is a tax we pay for the Superior, for all the good times He provided.
From what I've seen of death, most go
when they're ready.
Of course, I, like everyone else have
a limited view of the world.
You will keep your will to live as
long as you want to.
Don,
Your posts are a pleasure to read for many people. I think that can make up for at least a few things you aren't able to do. For the other things; there's lots of time to do them. Please live until 130+
I enjoy your posts Don, because they seem honest and direct and devoid of shallow emotion - unlike most of the comments on this post... Oh sure, I believe that some of the commenters BELIEVE they're being deep and meaningful and are "touched" by your post - but I also believe their sentiment is shallow and short-lived.
How easy it is for our emotion to be touched in so transient a fashion!
Don,
You wrote frank about leaving, but what was really important is your will to finish unfinished. To do the undone and to be here. I am hoping you fight. I am hoping you stay as long as you can. You are precious, you are full of experiences that may most of not be able to even get to the point and experience it. I think you are doing us a huge favor writing about yourself and life.
Wish you all the best and I wish i could see you.
Sally
I just came on your blog by way of boingboing. My tiny input:
For some reason I have always been attracted to the writings of the Indian mystics - Ramakrishna, Vivekananda, Sivananda and any slim volume of Indian philosophy I could get my hands on in my local curiosity shop.
Something I think I "may" have absorbed from those readings: our life's ride has been a long and most exciting one - there's no reason not to expect the end of this one will not be the beginning of another one. Let the journey take it's course and have no worries about getting to the end - it may just surprise us beyond our wildest expectations - we've been preparing for it our entire lives. :-)
Joy to you in the journey. May you thrive each day. Thank you for your inspiration today. I hope it returns to your many times over.
Thank you, Don. For your life, and for what lies beyond. For bringing visible voice to the unstated feelings of all humanity.
I recently trained to become a Certified Senior Cohousing Professional, to help people design their own retirement neighborhoods. It was illuminating for me to see that the course was 10% about housing/development, but 90% about aging, health, co-care, finances, death, and ways to work together to gain more choices, more control over our lives... and our deaths... at any age.
It startled me to learn that the typical American moves five times in the last ten years of his or her life... mostly involuntarily, be it back in with family, to assisted living, nursing homes, critical care, and so forth. I want to be part of the movement that helps people co-create places that can be the last place they live, that build connections and support that give them more options.... in life, as well as in death.
Donald. I can only guess at how you feel. I am less than half your age and daily feel there is so much more to see. Money, and therefore work, are hindrances. I have always had this feeling, I belive passed on from my maternal grandfather, that I want to see it all and try most of it. I hope you don't go anytime soon, but when you do, know that there many others out here who want to see it all as well in the same spirit.
I stumbled upon this message by accident and it turned out to be a godsent. Your words are a true inspiration, a good read for people who feel stuck in life. You remind me of my dear grandmother who had a very similar spirit. A clear mind until her final day, almost a 100 years old. I miss her everyday but I am sure that when the time came, she was peaceful and accepting.
Thanks for your words.
arwen
I don't want you to go either! this world needs more good & wise men & women like you. thank you for sharing your words with all of us.
Hey buddy,
Live it, love it, leave it. When it's time to go, you'll know you've done all you need to. But I admire your fire through the final ascent -- and may you be satisfied with your accomplishments.
sometimes, mr. crowdis, in the midst of everyday confusion, it takes a nugget of wisdom (such as you provided) to remind us that life is indeed beautiful.. and for that i thank you
Dear Don,
your words have a special meaning for me, I was searching for something and I found you. Greetings from Rome.
I don't want to go either. ... Maybe all those things you still have to do are a sign of a full and still lively life.
It's a condition of life, and like time and tide it will march on forever. Take solace in your longevity, for there are many who have faced your predicament at a much younger age.
Don,
Thank you for your candor and your inspiration for us all to Live Life to its fullest!
I am very honorored to have met you and your thoughts!
Thank you for expressing exactly what I myself have felt inside for a couple of years now. This is a fascinating world and I have an exceptional family, and yes, I simply don't want to leave it. Having recently become aware of how many of my former peers (classmates, co-workers, etc.) have died at ages that were decades and decades younger than your age - or even mine now (which is considerably still younger than yours), I find a great truth to the posted comment that we "should not take my time on this earth for granted". Here is wishing you a couple more decades on this fascinating earth - with all of those years being in such health physically and mentally as to enjoy each and every day. LRS
Thank you for expressing exactly what I myself have felt inside for a couple of years now. This is a fascinating world and I have an exceptional family, and yes, I simply don't want to leave it. Having recently become aware of how many of my former peers (classmates, co-workers, etc.) have died at ages that were decades and decades younger than your age - or even mine now (which is considerably still younger than yours), I find a great truth to the posted comment that we "should not take my time on this earth for granted". Here is wishing you a couple more decades on this fascinating earth - with all of those years being in such health physically and mentally as to enjoy each and every day.
I am 55 years old and already feeling the creeping scourge of
the "Grim Reaper." May he walk away from you and me without harm.
I can only hope that I can make it to your age. One thing I'm finally learning how to do is work to live and not live to work. Thanks for your insight.
God Bless
Just another reason to remember to live life to fullest now.
Thank you for this great post. I just found your blog, and I hope you'll keep writing for many years to come.
Fredrik from Sweden
Thank you for inspiring me, even at age 19, to do the things that I am afraid to do and have been putting off. <3
I understand your concern, but there is no "death". It is just another stage of life. It might sound philosophical but it is the truth.
Tremendous surprise takes place in our mind at the moment of death. Contrary of our own former opinions, we are alive. The body come back to the inorganic Kingdon as subject of universal change and we recognize that death is a rebirth
Ernest O'Brien
Don,
I understand why you might feel that way, but let me share with you that you have had the opportunity to live a long life. 93 is AMAZING, good onya Mate!
I don't think any of us like the idea that someday we'll have to leave this mortal plane, but it's a fact of life.
My mother who is not yet 60 is dying a slow, agonizing death from pancreatic cancer. She's probably not going to live to see me turn 40, my daughter turn 22 or her great grandson turn 3.
I know facing our own death is the hardest thing we have to do, but take the time you have left and share your life and your memories with those you love most. They'll be glad you did when you finally do go.
Don,
You have achieved longevity beyond your years.
You are in the hearts and mind of a young generation.
You are ensconced in numerous institutions that will serve humankind for numerous generations to come.
You are part of the media archive of at least one era in history.
You have offspring who love(s) you.
I realize it pales by comparison to immortality.
But there's still the possibility that what we mortals can't possibly know, the culmination of our mortality, turns out to be what we had wanted all along.
Hi Donald, lot of people should be and think like you, the entire world will be different.
I send you a big hug
Miguel
Bravo!!
Best of luck in the future.
Thanks again Don - you share what we all think, I think (!). And you do it with concision and erudition.
@ Keith - I like it: the Grandfather of Bloggers. Very nice.
Thanks for the great post. I don't want to go either. After I see my kids grow up and perhaps get the privilige to hold a grandchild in my hands, then I'm ready to go.
Until then, I'm trying to hold on
Have a great weekend
AD
We all need to stop now and then to evaluate the value of what we're doing, as opposed to the value of what we might want to do.
There's always a risk that we might not be able to do what we want -- but can we let that risk stop us, and still call ourselves alive?
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nihilism.png
Thank you. You said something that made me think. Thank you again...
Bless you. I found your thoughts more than a little touching as my father learned he has inoperable cancer this week. At my tender age of 43, I already have had similar thoughts about what I have yet to accomplish in my own life, so I wish you a great while longer yet and hope that you can check a few things off your list.
Thanks for telling me your story Don. It's wonderful to see you here.
Hello Don,
Let me begin by saying that this is my first time commenting on a Blog of any kind, I've read a lot of them but never have I been motivated to write.
Your writings, which I just started reading, have made think about what is really important, love life, love people and how mortality is reflected on each individual. I don't know if I am making much sense but let me just say, I respect your insight and learn from your writings.
Thank you.
I Love You.
You should know that You existed since the beginning of the Universe and You will we here as all of Us forever. We all are made of Energy, and that Energy manifested in some ways and will always manifest. Thats not only Buddhism and Quantum Physic way of thinking.
He/She who quits dreaming... Dies
Just don't quit dreaming of new things to do and you will be fine.
from a 62 year old guy who hopes to hang around as long as you ... or longer
john dodd
well Don, good job.
and glad to see your technical skills.
however, the only person that wants to be 100, is the one that is 90.
do you really want to live to 110?
analyze the logic in that.
some scientist has recorded his belief that the first person to live forever is already born.
seems like a stretch to me.
seems to be tho, there is still something you have yet to do.
so you should look into that.
and get her done.
You must be amazed at the level of response.
:) We are all connected
and in living we are eternal.
in the sharing
in the moment
in the peace
of being with each other.
Peace :)
There will be plenty of things to do once you go . . .
http://www.spiritwritings.com/LivingDeadMan.pdf
http://www.spiritwritings.com/library.html
Donald, the ripple of effect you have left in your long life will continue forever. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing how much we don't know about the universe and that our ultimate destination, while unsure, is perpetual. I suspect it will be like waking from a beautiful dream into an even deeper one. I hope all of the span before you is filled with happiness and compassion.
Don, your post has really touched me and I can tell you are full of inquisitive wisdom, which I very much admire. I wish you continued joy and happiness on this earth and into the beyond my friend.
oh i should add,
I suffered a near death experience when a child. I do know it was the most peaceful experience in life.
And that experience taught me I am eternal within life and death is merely the point at which you merge back fully with yourself.
Its a strange concept, but beautiful.
Hope I don't seem like a crazy man, just wanted to share that fear comes more out of confusion, and it's not about religion , or facing hell, or what others say, or having one last thing left to do...
In the end its as simple as one word
Acceptance.
Fear comes in not accepting we have done enough. When the fact is, we have and our life is always complete.
peace Don Beautiful post and musings
I just wanted to add my best wishes.
We all go sooner or later. You might have another 7 years or 7 minutes. I might die crossing the street tonight or falling down the stairs when I leave the building.
But you have now, at least, this moment, this instant right now when you're reading this... to enjoy life and make ready to step fearlessly into the future.
It doesn't matter if you're 93 years old and facing a stroke, or 20 years old and going over the top with an enemy machine gun nest on the other side. We've all got minutes to live, seconds to appreciate it and then square our jaw, clench our fist, and step boldly forward. We all die.
And we all live forever, too. You've heard of chaos theory, with the butterfly flapping its wings and causing a hurricane ten years later? Well, our lives are all one hell of a butterfly flap, and the vibrations of that life go on and on in the great ocean we call humanity. As long as it keeps bubbling, none of us really die. We just stop thinking so much about it :)
So be ready for death and defy despair. Go over the top with the will and steel of everyone whose ever gone over the top before you.
There will be more coming behind your back, I promise you.
Hey Don,
Thank you for that comment. I was going to write more here, but I can't think of a way to put into words my current thoughts. Thank you again, though. You've moved me to look at an ongoing problem from a different perspective. Best wishes.
-Greg
Wise, wise words that we are able to find here. I'm deeply impressed by your blog entry and let me tell you: just by having written this entry, by keeping your own blog, your own email and even your own Wikipedia entry, you have undoubtedly proved to us all that you were even able to accomplish one of the hardest tasks in life: Keeping an open mind.
Enjoy your life!
Wise, wise words that we are able to find here. I'm deeply impressed by your blog entry and let me tell you: just by having written this entry, by keeping your own blog, your own email and even your own Wikipedia entry, you have undoubtedly proved to us all that you were even able to accomplish one of the hardest tasks in life: Keeping an open mind.
Enjoy your life!
Dear Don,
You are an inspiration to us and I think everyone who reads your words wants you to remain with us for many years to come. Please keep writing on your blog.
With all good wishes,
Michael Flessas
http://mcflessas.googlepages.com
Dear Don,
Check out the following article in the LATIMES. You can register for free I believe.
http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/la-me-mygrief24jan24,1,73881.story
This tells you that our most sacred rituals, the very thing that distinguishes us as sentient beings - grieving and paying homage, public and private, to those who have passed away - this is slowing making its way onto the internet. This is not to be grim, but rather to let you know that for us, all the people you'll leave behind, this blog will remain here for a long, long time. It will signal to all that your passage on this earth was not in vain. This is greatly and deeply appreciated.
Now about the profound, annoying unfairness of not living forever, I would concur. I too am angry at death. I want to live on forever. It is so nice down here. There is so much love, so many good things to taste, so much happiness. It is indeed unfair.
I've felt this way since I was in my teens and realised I was an atheist. When I found out that obsessing about longevity can actually shorten life expectancy, things really started to go downhill.
All I can hope for (I'm 39 now) is that I will retain my faculties to the end. For that, my friend, be truly thankful.
A 93 yr old blogger, I think your one of the few. Have a great one. :)
Wow, I found your words to ring true.
Thank you for a brief and inspiring post, it fills me with a desire to live life to the (absolute) fullest.
Wishing you all the best,
Mike
Bassui wrote the following letter to one of his disciples who was about to die:
"The essence of your mind is not born, so it will never die. It is not an existence, which is perishable. It is not an emptiness, which is a mere void. It has neither color nor form. It enjoys no pleasures and suffers no pains.
I know you are very ill. Like a good Zen student, you are facing that sickness squarely. You may not know exactly who is suffering, but question yourself: What is the essence of this mind? Think only of this. You will need no more. Covet nothing. Your end which is endless is as a snowflake dissolving in the pure air."
Get a pair of some nice headphones! You deserve them!
If I got to 93, I think I'd be rather proud of myself for keeping life's delicate little flame alight for so long and against such great odds.
Don,
You've touched many people today. I'm reminded of words that Raymond Carver wrote in autumn of his life:
And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
Don,
I just discovered your blog today thanks to a link via digg dot com. I really enjoyed this entry, as someone who's still under 1/3rd your age, I feel justified having many of the same feelings. From just the brief overview that I have read over the past hour or so on your blog, I believe you've lead quite a life, but I admire your gusto to keep your eyes open for room to improve. Thank you for sharing your insight and I look forward to continued entries!
Paul - Atlanta, GA
"Been there, done that" reminds me way too much of my favorite slogan: "You're only as old as you feel". Sounds like your feeling pretty old right now, and when that happens to me, I like to reflect on my accomplishments, and the fact that no matter what, as long as I have one more breath in me, it's not over. I'm only 24, but I think the same applies to you, as long as you're here with us, it's not over. I wish you well in all that you do from here on out. You're an inspiration sir.
I wish you all the best for the future. Don't stop living just because of some medical problems, it's never to late to experience things, there are too many people out there who just stop living once they reached a certain age. That would be a pity for someone like you, who is interested in new technologies, who can think in a philosophical way. Thanks for your article!
How many women have you been with? How was the sex?
Don, you brought a big smile to my face today, my nan has the same attitude as you.
Shes just past her 90th a couple of months ago and has had a few bad spells over the last year. The last one just before Christmas the doctors were telling us she probably wouldn't see christmas but my nan had other ideas, she was always talking about what she'd be doing after christmas even though she looked so terribly ill.
She's now in a really nice residental home for a few weeks until she feels a bit fitter and then she'll be back home again.
I guess when you don't want to go, you're not going to be going anywhere. I really hope you have many happy years to come .
Aaron
I think you should take a nice little acid trip to experience a necessarity if you haven'tdone it yet.
Don't ignore immediatley!:)
Instead read this one:
http://www.mayanmajix.com/art1699.html
Don,
My son Andrew (20) felt compelled to forward a link to your blog. I guess it touched a nerve. Anyway, I'm glad he did.
Andrew lost his mother (my wife)last summer after a lengthy illness. I guess we were more fortunate than some as we got to spend a couple of years more with her than expected. During that time we said "I love you" a lot. We gave out more hugs than ever before. We also were able to travel and do the things we always wanted (She passed away in Stockholm). Essentially we learned how to live in the present and enjoy what you have, not what you might have, or might lose. Those years were an awesome experience.
Your words are so true, so go out there and keep giving out hugs, and telling people how you feel about them. You just might get a few more years than you expect.
Have the best day ever!
Doug B., Waterloo, Ontario
Don,
From your post, it seems like you are wanting to have more time to do certain things and accomplish goals you have. When you say “been there, done that” it is like you are crossing things off a life to do list. Like you say you still have many things to do before you go (I nod my head to this as well).
I grappled, and still do at times, with the purpose of my life. Somehow we get this idea that we need to go to X place, eat X food, meet X person, and be X things to have a purposeful life. But in reality, WE get to choose what our purpose in life is. If I want my purpose to be helping those that have lost a loved one due to cancer so be it. If I want my purpose to amount to being the best tennis player, so be it. The day I realized I had the power over my purpose was a very liberating day.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and I hope you get to have many more days to complete the things you want to complete.
What can I say ? The Hindus call death as "Mahaprasthana" or the beginning of the great journey. I read your post and sincerely wish that it were true.
Don. Thank you for your post. I am a young man at 26, but I too worry that when I go it'll be too soon. I don't think there is enough years in life to do everything one wishes about. Have a great life! You're Special.
Don,
I realize that some day, it will be my turn to find out what happens when we leave this place.
Like you, I understand that it is inevitable, but hope that there is still some time before I have to go.
I am still pretty young, but my current philosophy is that those who have already departed, know for sure what I can only wonder.
When you go, you will know. I will still wonder (until it is my turn)
I hope you have a pleasant transition.
peace - out
Had a good time reading your posts. Have fun!
I found your blog for a second time, this time from the 2000 Bloggers photos project by Tino.
What a delightful man you are.
My family on my mother's side all lived to an average of 100 years.
So don't go packing your bags just yet sweetie.
Sounds to me that you have some time left on the meter.
My hand is extended to you through cyberspace.
Congratulations on living a long life. You are fortunate, I'm sure, but your positive outlook must have a lot do with it as well.
I agree with the previous suggestion that you might want to look into cryopreservation (more commonly known as cryonics). The continuing advance of science suggests that an indefinite lifespan may already be within reach.
You can find out more by browsing to http://alcor.org/ .
Best Wishes,
Derek
let more people be wise as you! you touched my heart!
In May my 82 year old father moved to a new town. He soon found out that his heart was only working at 15%. I moved in with him and we had many talks and he wasn't ready to go. No matter what would happen, he would tell me, "Well, I'm not dead yet." Before long, he couldn't move or speak to me, he had lost his voice box 20 years earlier, but I still understood his gestures and facial expressions.
I have my Dad in an urn on my kitchen counter and sometimes I read to him and I talk to him everyday, because I remember him saying everyday, "I'm not dead yet."
I miss him and I wish he would have had a blog to share his thoughts and stories with people, so to anyone who's 93, I think having this blog and "Not being ready to go" is important so others will think every day of what they have and what they do.
Thanks,
Mahala
Getting Old Is The Side Effect Of Wisdom. From The Time Were Born....From The First Time Our Little Lungs Fill With Air... We Have Started On A Path That Will Never End. Be It From Age....Sickness...Or Any Other Means When "He" Calls You Have No Choice To Listen None Of Us Do. Hey, My Advice? Become Eternal.... Live On Forever Not Only In Soul. But In The Memories Of EVERYONE You Have Ever And Will Ever Meet.
Sean - Las Vegas Nv.
Dying is the price we as individuals pay for progress and change. It completely and utterly sucks to die but death is the only thing that will get rid of some people.
If it helps think of every bully, every tyrant and every evil person you've ever known. Every single one of them choked their last heading into darkness with their worst fears coming true on them. Outliving such people is joy.
If Death were playing favorites then you could be sure a lot of bad people would get to live forever with nothing to stop them.
When my father died of cancer I took it well because of one thing - I did not make the situation he found himself in, I had no power to alter his condition, there was nothing I could do except accept it. My own death is the same. It will come when it comes and there will be nothing I can do about it except accept it and go down fighting.
We all lose everything we have and are, all of it is washed away by time after we're gone. Oh well.
Its understandable that you don't want to pass.. I know others don't want you to go either, Man oh man I wish I could have told this to my grandfather... I don't know if grandparents understand this or not, but People love there stories, people love to read about how your childhood was, how things where back when you where a kid.. I must say your blog has filled in a gap for me, I love reading about about things before my own time..
I must say I'm personally not afraid to pass.. But your right, there are many things that could be done during one's lifetime.. Personal goals and letters.. I don't look at passing as a bad thing, more so a door, a new life, The way i see it it will only get better. And I must say I'm very happy to see that your keeping a blog :) Anyways I don't know if I've inspired anyone with this, I just felt strongly that I had something to say, and hopefully it will help someone.
Don, don't worry about leaving your earthly life. The Other Side is much nicer and you'll be so glad to be back with your friends and family that you won't believe you worried about it at all.
You're doing a worthwhile service through your blog. Thank you!
I don't really have any wise words to say or annecdotes to come up with to sound very intellegent. Wish I could. Wish I could say something that would ease your mind about that end you'll reach one day. All I guess I can say is that I know you have inspired to me to keep going as hard as i have at life and never give up. ; )
Thanks Don! You helped put something into perspective for me - my life :). I'll try and grab hold of it best I can and start ticking the list. Now you can tick off 'inspiring a 25yr old on the other side of the world'. Carpe diam bro.
Thank you for your words and good advice! Three years ago, before my son was born, I stopped drinking (started when I was 15). At 36, I feel like I missed a lot of years, it was really a haze... from one binge to the next. You're an inspiration to use whatever time I have left to live life to the fullest. Life gets better each day!
It's great that you are sharing your insights with us! =]
Keep up the Blogging and we'll be reading, Thank You-
I think it's the finality of the end that bothers me the most - that once you die, the memories of everything you've ever done will fade away. We spend our entire lives learning and experiencing, yet it feels frustrating to have to know that all the things you've seen or done will eventually fade away along with yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4nMX80St7U
Sounds like you have a lot of fans. I stumbled across your blog and am truly amazed. I can only hope to live to your age AND remain as mentally sound. As young as I am, I am afraid I have no advice to offer that would be any use to you. However, I truly hope you find peace and acceptance.
The reason we have to die is Nature’s way of alluding that Infinity is not physical. There are 7 parallel universes of which only one is physical. Matters of Truth cannot be taught, debated, rationalised, hoped for/having blind faith about/fingers-crossed in prayers, or similar. Truth can only be learnt through a repeatable experience. Physical age is not the benchmark for Maturity. Innocence & Wisdom is. This is what we see when we see children who are so [and not the spoilt, wise-cracking examples that proliferate nowadays]. Most humans, regardless of age, are juveniles in reality, basing their maturity on their capacity to copulate or to corrupt. There is no age if rebirth is real. Neither is there religion, gender, race, creed, etc. Infinty has no time and time is not a dimension. Time is merely a measure of distance within the physical realm.
Truth, which is innate within all true humans, is the ONLY quality that is common to all humans. ALL other aspects divide. Without exception. Having an agreement is merely an exercise in complementary etiquette. Truth is within whereas relative truth is on the outside/without. To arrive at Truth, which is Infinity, we have to know how we are really made. If we do not love our true self, how can we love others? If we are not honest with our self, how can we be so to others. The judgement of and the comparing with others only ends when when we become our true self.
The journey towards Truth, and therefore Infinity, starts with self judgement. Judgement, which is another word for comparing, can only be meaningful if we judge our self first. Judgement of Truth is never for others. It is only for our self and that is called The Final Judgement. God, if such an entity exists, do not judge for He do not need to. He is merely a Witness. As such, to become Truthful, and not relatively truthful, we need to witness. Witnessing is the way to Balance and balance is the Complementing of the Opposites.
Male is useless without female, regardless of the rationalising and hopeful wishes of those inflicted by homosexual desires. Latent or overt. A gun is useless without a bullet and God is useless without His power. One is the principle and the other its power. A word and its meaning. Power that is cyclical is always transient whereas God’s Power is Permanent. The sound without the need for percussion. As such, permanent power is helical and progressive. One reason we have to die for Evolution is always progressing. Evolution, which counters devolution/malice, is Morality-In-Progress.
When we compare/judge, we are indulging in cyclical activity to achieve transient power. That which is transient, need to compare. Like electrical potential, 200k volts on a powerline without referencing/comparing to earth, is useless/powerless. Like thermal energy, without a gradient/comparing, it has no meaning. As such, to produce that which is “artificial”/transient, we need percussion/complementing of the opposites. That is how humans perceive power which is through comparing/judging. We need to live other peoples’ lives because we don’t know what or why we are born for. God has no perception/notion of power. You don’t need to if your are all the universes resolved. There is no time either if you span aross all infinty. God has only the notion of Love for Love is Permanent Power. If people can perceive this point, they will see that religion is not about god. It is about temporary/transient power or the fashion of being “holy”/”great”. God is none other than the innate Truth within all true humans. More to follow, perhaps, like how we are really made.
I was touched by this in the way that, on the internet, text seems to take a more youthful sense. Reading your blog and coming to terms with the fact that you're 93 makes me realize the equality that is shared between humans, young and old, though it is rarely ever expressed or seen for much older people. They're assumed to be mindless, helpless, even worthless. Nothing could be more the opposite.
Older people are works of art. They're a fountain of experience and knowledge, and they're a link to a past that this society could care less about. They're people who have been there, done that, have gone through all of life's problems and are still alive today, much more than can be said about some.
I appreciate you.
Hi! Don't worry Donald, people live until they're 120 nowadays. You have 30 years ahead! Stop thiking that you've already done everything because no one can ...And I'm pretty sure you still have so much to enjoy in this life! I'm only 21 and I hope that I am as wise as you when I'm 93!
Congratulations from Brazil. Peace!
Daniel
I don't want you to go either and in the hearts and minds of MANY, you never will.
I don't know you but you've touched my soul.
Thanks!
I don't want you to go either and, in the hearts and minds of MANY, you never will.
I don't know you but you've touched my soul.
Thanks!
There couldn't be more evidence from the quantity and intensity of the response to your post that you are truly an inspiration. You simply put things into perspective.
I hope to read of your travels soon. It's never too late to travel!
Don,
I've eagerly awaited each of your posts since I discovered you a few weeks ago on BoingBoing.Net. I'm a 24-year-old ex-smoker who realized about a year ago that she wants to see her 100th birthday, and put her worst habits down.
Your thoughts and advice help remind me of the big picture that keeps me going. When I start to leave important things unsaid to those I love or spend my money frivolously, I am reminded of all the things I want to do between now and 93, and the clear mind and light heart I'll need to get there.
That you don't want to go is no surprise. You're up against what may be the human being's greatest fear, with your minor stroke for hard evidence to life's fragility. However, the mere fact that you can discuss how it's going attests to how much you've got left to go.
Far be it from a pup like me to assume that I know something you don't, Don, but perhaps I can remind you of something you may have forgotten in your fear: Dwelling on what you don't want never gets you what you want. Focusing on what you're after gets you there. Mother Theresa never accepted an invitation to join a war rally. She said she'd go to a peace rally, though (For more of that stuff, I recommend a movie called The Secret).
Flip that "I don't want to go" around, and tell us about what you want to do while you're still here. What are all those things you're sticking around for? Imagine living into a future where, as other respondants have pointed out, you've got 10 or 20 or 30 years left, and tell us what you've got planned. I'd love to hear it.
I have no doubt that you'll continue to inspire us with whatever you choose to write next.
Jessica
Too many comments write about "resignation" and "acceptance" as though death were an inevitable consequence of material existence. Historically, it has been, however it need not always be. If the advancement of scientific knowledge has taught us anything, it's that we can barely dream of the possible applications of our increasing understanding of the physical world. I don't need to give examples, because they're everywhere. Hell, just 5 years ago, I never would have known who you are or read your writings.
Today we are on the cusp of a new and profound understanding of the physical basis of cellular life. As this understanding develops, we will determine the mechanisms of physical aging and how, via gene or drug therapy, we can reverse them. This is not speculation, but an inevitable consequence of the materialist (read: scientific) outlook. As such, the question is only: how soon? Or, as I prefer to phrase it: how many lives we save.
A popular argument against curing aging is one of population expansion (which nuclear power and space colonization can totally handle). Another is that our elder population are generally viewed as fragile and dependent, which, as you well know, is not always true. As more people your age begin to speak out and be heard expressing their unwillingness to die, perhaps those opposed to aging research will start to listen.
If you give any credence to the Kantian moral imperative, then it is our duty as a culture and as a species to devote ourselves fully to this very troubling issue. I'm sure the folks at the Immortality Institute would love to publish your thoughts on the matter.
http://www.imminst.org/
http://www.fightaging.org/
stay young, Dylan
hey Don..my grandpa turned 92 just yesterday....seeing your post reminded of how my granpa might be feeling...i hope u wud do all the things that u set out to do.
You take resveratrol, right? That can buy you some extra time.
You've been dugg, i'm sure you already realize that by now. http://digg.com/offbeat_news/93_year_old_blogger_It_Bothers_Me_That_I_Have_To_Go
I'm 29 years old myself. I do not have a 'fear' of dying, I don't think. I mean, I fear being in pain, being in a bad situation, being in a trajedy that would cause me to die. But death itself, I don't know that I fear. However, I DO fear the things that are left undone. The things that I still want to do, feel like I need to do. I fear dying alone. I fear that I may not accomplish what I want to accomplish, that I will not be remembered, or that my existance will not matter to anyone. I wish you well on your journey, whatever accomplishments you still feel like you need to do. You will be remembered, here in the online world at least. And your words do matter to thousands of people.
Take care
Phil
Have you ever had a bottle of Romanée Conti: in case you haven't, I suggest you do. Tannins and resveratrols are good for the heart. And drinking Romanée Conti is like travelling (and yes, better than an acid trip).
FORGET the far future and have fun NOW. Happiness is the only thing that matters.
Dylan Thomas said it well:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Don : Rage, my friend rage!
just be happy mate.. always look on the bright side of life...
cheers,
Legit Paid To surf
Agloco
Don,
Thank you…
I will cherish this little life, I have the best that I could…
Thank you again Don, for making my life meaningful…
I wish can meet you in person…
Just another guy who wanted to suggest cryonics, and alcor.
http://alcor.org/
I'll be the first to admit that the chance of it working may very well be hovering around the 1% or lower mark. But, it's still better odds than going on once the neurons and synapses have begun to rot. And, hey, at the very least you'd be able to be cloned. Around 50% of your preferences and personality should maintain.
You are amazing. Please understand that you have touched me and changed my life. Thank you, and smile :)
Don, like many of the other comment authors, you have touched me in a very sad way.
But there is hope for you. I can say that because I have this hope. I am much younger than you at 25, but does that disqualify me for having a hope in a delightful afterlife?
You seem a very sharp fellow. I assume that you have come face-to-face with a god before (perhaps the god of the philosopher previously commented). But I present to you a God that is a personal God who knows the mistakes you've made but he still loves you. He offers you the gift of eternal life.
Some may not appreciate this message but it isn't for them, it's for you. If you want to talk about this further, you can email me (tercero12@yahoo.com) or if you'd like to look into it yourself first, pick up a Bible that's easy to read.
May God bless you with 120 years! May you have the time to do everything you have a mind to do before you meet Jesus face to face.
Psalm 21:4
He asked you for life, and you gave it to him— length of days, for ever and ever.
Thanks for sharing an honest perspective. I have an 81 year old father whom I believe is struggling with many of the things you are, and it all makes a little more sense after reading your post.
I hope you're around for many more years my friend and get to do some of those things you've always wanted to do.
I think, too, that I'm going to Hate To Go. Most of us -those who have known love and happiness in life- hate the thought of leaving our lives and loved ones and our experiences and all we have learned behind. That may be because we don't know what, if anything, lies ahead. We see death as the end.
Is it?
Two words. You wouldn't think the universe hinged on them, would you? It may be true that we have a finite consciousness and nothing more than oblivion comes after it, but... I find it hard to believe. All the evidence in the world points to the contrary, and yet, I can't quite make it work for me. The simple, stubborn, persistent belief that my consciousness is capable of transcending the physical won't leave me. I have no proof of it. I have no dogma to uphold. It's just something that I deeply suspect is true.
We live in a universe with cometary knots and baby black holes and helix nebulas and gamma ray bursts. There are more things in heaven and earth than Man has dreamed of. If all these wondrous, terrible, beautiful things can exist, then why not this?
It seems such a small miracle in comparison. Why not this?
It's possible. Anything is possible and there is nothing to be done. Either it is true or it is not, and nothing you or I can do and no power in the world can change it.
If it is true, if there is some other place or existence that we open our eyes to after that last threshold, it can't be a very bad place. Everyone we have ever loved and lost has gone there before us.
If it is true, I hope to see you there one day, but not yet. Not yet.
Don, I love your blog, it's great. I wrote about you on my blog here. You've touched a lot of people today, and I hope you find comfort in that.
Dear Don,
Thank you for putting this out there. Yesterday, an old friend of mine died suddenly with no warning at 53. I've been trying to make sense of it, and what you wrote is the only thing that has helped all day. We are all in the same position about which you write so wonderfully. Thank you.
Eric (aka Owl)
In a fast-paced world, it helps a lot to resort to a wiser individual, just like yourself. It's my first hour on your blog. I read through all the comments above me. What I make of it is that you touched Earth by appealing to all walks of life. Confident and diffident people, mean and nice, young and old, dreamers, ascetic and lax, and a philosopher.
I have a 90 year-old grandpa who just tells me to study hard every time I visit him. "Study hard" is the only line I've been getting ever since I enrolled in elementary school. I've come to realize that people who care about you will naturally give the best advice they can think of. The majority of the commenter pool care about you. The world will be sad to see you depart.
Deadlines are big killers for me when I'm on vacation. My classes start unreasonably fast. In a way, I can feel your page in life. It's like you want to freeze the clock. I get this short satisfaction by meditating on my hard-to-reach desires. I used to feel ashamed in times of despair, but it was wrong to. I think you will feel happier thinking about the improvements you could make. No matter what the circumstances, just be yourself. Nice is right!
Hmm, help us:
what do you want to do before you go? what are you the most mad about that you dind't do it yet?
wib
Don,I know it's easy for me to say but you really shouldn't feel sad about the approaching end. We're all going there eventually. A lot of us would only wish we had as much spirit left when we get to your age.
You win either you stay or go. It's a better world on the other side. I've been actually looking forward to going there for a long time.
Inspirational...thank you.
Thank you.
As a 21 year old, I cannot say I can even imagine being in your shoes. I have however had a close brush with death that made me think about dying. I can honestly say that I now believe death is but the next great adventure. Yet for all of my musings, I am still a child compared to most people and sympathize with you in that I too am not ready to leave. Thus All I can say is I wish you the best of times. Live life the best you can, and don't hesitate to pass some wisdom on to those of us less experienced!
Goodbye
Abraham
John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." I trust in the Lord for my salvation, and comfort in the knowledge that I will spend eternity with him. You too can know this good news for yourself, Don! If you already know the Lord, then I rejoice with you! If you do not know him, I pray that you will open yourself up to him, that you will walk with him in the kingdom of Heaven. God bless!
It is Never to late to accept Jesus Christ as your own personal savior. He came to this earth to die and rise again to take the blame for all the things you have ever done wrong. The Bible says that whoever confesses this in their heart and with their mouth will be saved from an eternity without God. I pray that if you do not know him that you please soften your heart. ..even if it be for just a moment and let him in. He loves you so much...despite all of your shortcomings. He wants to be there to welcome you into his kingdom. Jesus said that he is the only way, the only truth and the only life and that no man can get into heaven without accepting him and accepting the gift of eternal life that he gave us.
Your words moved me...And so I would like to inspire you. It is NEVER to late for God's love...and he loves you so very much. THank you for sharing your heart and if you would like to talk further please simply e-mail me @ hopeburnsbright@gmail.com.
THank you...you will be in my prayers.
::Matthew
Thank you for ringing my bell and reminding me to value every day.
On another note, my 86 year old dad has been procrastinating about getting onto the Internet. I'm going to print a few of your posts (in 24pt type) and offer him a great big monitor as an incentive to just do it.
It's extremely refreshing to find a blog from someone of your age, as there are so very few people like you from who we can capture experiences from.
I wish you many more years of health and desire to write your life experiences.
Before one has to go, wouldn't it be nice to find out WHERE you're going?
http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=7454548045984685776&q=The+Boy+Who+Lived+Before
http://www.amazon.com/Have-Lived-Before-This-Life/dp/0884049582/sr=8-2/qid=1169788884/ref=sr_1_2/103-2738080-7387037?ie=UTF8&s=books
I'm scared of getting older. I'm good at being young. And even at my age, I feel I know exactly what you mean when you say "you hate to go", that there is so much still left to be done.
Everyday I feel like there is something I want to do, but haven't had the chance to do it. I'm working on changing that though - making the time to fulfill those wishes.
You have time my friend. Every morning when you wake up, you've been given time to live to the fullest with no regrets. It might be cliché, but a boisterous "carpe diem" would fit well right about now.
(I enjoy your insight and linking to you from my blog.)
I can only hope to be as wise and lucid as you are when I am in your shoes. You inspire me, Don. Thank you.
My boss told me that she hated it when people said life was so short because it is the longest thing you will ever do.
I often think to the words of Lord Byron "When one subtracts from life infancy (which is vegetation) - sleep, eating and swilling - buttoning and unbuttoning - how much remains of downright existence? The summer of a dormouse..."
It should bother you that you have to go - we never free from wanting as long as we have breath. Thank you for reminding me of that fact and of the fact that I must choose what I want to say I did and what I decided agaisnt.
Janis
It bothers all of us that you have to go. Not so far in the future, that departure will be a matter of choice, not chance, for our successors, but not for us. Our world is better for your having been here, and it's a sign of your vigor that you feel the contrast between what you want to have done, and what you have done.
"Ah, but a man's reach shoud exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?"
Thanks for your life.
So what do you wish you'd have done, that you didn't?
What did you find important to you as an older person that you wish you'd started to care about earlier?
What would you tell an 18 year old about life?
Hello, Don and greetings from Finland.
After 17 hours of working on my computer, I find your post a very delightful reminder of why every day in my life is a gift in its own precious way. I have been one of those people, who have the tendency to get depressed and since I have a panic disorder, my life is sometimes a real mess.
But, even though I have never read your blog before and found this entry on Digg, I'd say you seem to be one hell of a kind old man. We young ones are the ones with the world and life waiting for us to give our best in changing it the way we want it to be. Not everything we do have a meaning nor do we even know what to do with all that we have, as we just carry on going blindfolded, craving for more and more, even when we have a lot of reasons to be happy about being alive.
I'm waiting for my best friend to come to work and even though I haven't been very productive during this shift, I know that he appreciates my commitment to our small IT firm. I also know he appreciates our friendship, even though I sometimes might seem too stupid to give him back all those good things he deserves.
I'm 30 years old, smoking and drinking too much beer. You are absolutely correct, there are so many things left to do and so many places to see. I have taken a lot of risks in my life, making mistakes, but some of them are those kind of mistakes that need to be done, so you can actually take them to the grave with you, knowing you have learned something.
Keep up the good work and carry on living, since I am more than willing to carry on reading your blog. World needs more people like you.
Cheers,
-- Marko
I am well pleased to have gotten to meet you. I must say, it bothers me that you have to go as well.
Don,
It'll be a good 50 years before you go.
Consider death as only another tour like one of the many tours you had in your life. I think it is not only who has passed 90s to be get ready for death, but everyone, what guarantee life has for anyone ? May be 33 year old me will be dieing sooner than you, like someone above suggested you will be living here for another 30 years. As a believer, I always think that God the creator, has not created me to become null after my life, but he will be my guide after my death.
Wish you all the best. May peace be with you always
Consider death as only another tour like one of the many tours you had in your life. I think it is not only who has passed 90s to be get ready for death, but everyone, what guarantee life has for anyone ? May be 33 year old me will be dieing sooner than you, like someone above suggested you will be living here for another 30 years. As a believer, I always think that God the creator, has not created me to become null after my life, but he will be my guide after my death.
Wish you all the best. May peace be with you always
Don,
Thanks for writing this. I've always been terrified of death myself... even when I was child... I've sometimes comforted myself with the thought that when I go I'll be ready to go... but I think it's important to know that death might never be a welcome idea. Your courage in saying what you actually feel and not just what you are "supposed" to feel is really appreciated.
I am 23 and a recent recipient of a kidney transplant. What caused the need for a transplant (IgA N)will re-occur with an estimate of 7 years. I will have to kidney transplant my way through life. Their will always be things which are left undone yet I look to my accomplishments which are few that still make the time worth it. I do not fear going I fear staying.
Beware the godless ninnies that will swoop in from Digg and shock you with their slimy secularity.
beautiful sentiment...makes me want to live my young life to the fullest..
I don't know you, but I imagine you must have lived a wonderful, successful life, to be able to write a blog post like that. I sympathize with you entirely. Life is good, with all of its difficulties. There's not much good in non-life. Keep fighting for life, every bit of it, as long as you possibly can. And know that, whatever happens, you have touched many people - even by virtue of just this post - and I certainly will never forget you. And I will mention you in my writings, and someday I will write a message similiar to yours, and tell people to mention you in their writings, too.
According to Young Life, 80% of people come to faith in Jesus Christ by the time they are 18, or they don't come to a faith in Jesus Christ at all. I hope you fall in that 80% statistic. If not, I hope you'll fall in the staggeringly small number of people who come to faith in Jesus Christ after age 90. Of those who go an entire lifetime without coming to faith in Jesus Christ, 100% believe in Him after death. Unfortunately, that's too late to be of any benefit to them.
keep up daddy'o, we love you!
cheers!
The phrase, "The End" is a fallacy.
The great philosopher Parmenides would say, "To Go" is to stay. All is one, and to leave into nothing cannot be. For nothing is not.
Your soul will remain, and your conciousness will dwell in a place far more beautiful.
-Florin
---------------------------------
And it is all one to me / Where I am to begin; for I shall return there again.
Wow-I've never seen so many comments!
It's strange, no matter how different we may all be; living in New York or Borneo or wherever or young or old-we all die. And none of us really know what's on the other side. I mean we have ideas and convictions, but don't REALLY know. And we don't know when it's coming. All my kids were born at home (with a midwife) and that experience is so other worldly that I've become convinced that there may be more.
Somewhere in between the pain and fear is an odd feeling of being watched by unseen eyes. I've always thought that as a culture we are disconnected to birth and death. People of your generation saw family members pass on while at their side and probably took part in the burial . And no one thought a home birth so strange. I think we may all be in denial that we are not here forever.
Anyway, on an up note-show me a blogger in his nineties and I'll show you someone who'll blow right passed 100.
-TAsha
I am a whee youngin (26). My grandfather passed at age 83. I do not where he went; I do not know if heaven and hell are real.
This much I do know: he still exists. He exists in my memories. He exists in the stories I tell, and the manner I tell them. He exists everytime I imagine myself sitting beside him.
Yes, you may pass. You are old, and death is an inevitability. But consider this: I am a hot blooded american male who drives a car and drinks socially. I too might not live to see 2008. This is no reason to live in fear. This is no reason to be sad.
Life is precious. You, in some sense, will continue to exist in the memories of your readers for some time to come. If that's not immortality, I don't know what is.
P.S. When you die, if possible, give us one last blog post, will ya? Settle a few of these eternal debates once and for all.
- And if you see him, give my grandpa a hug and let him know I turned out just fine.
Greetings from China.
I am quite impressed by what you've written, eventhough we don't know each other before.
I want to write down a secret here if it won't bother you. This month, around the last birthday of my 2o's, I met a guy who I got to know over blogs. Both of us have got married, having a happy family and a lovely child. But we are attracted by each other deeply.
When I was upset and wondering what should I do, I came across your note, I realized that life is so short, even shorter than I'd imagined.
And now I think I have enough strength to face the problem now.
Whether you live to 100 or 120, your passing will be a triumph not a tragedy. Go gentle, but not too gentle, into that good night. Your writings and cheshire-cat smile of yours are beautiful. Rock on, don. the runner-up man of the year has work to do.
I lived in Turkey for 3 months.. I'm 18 years of age, and from oklahoma, and African AMerican. Anyway I loved it.. Great experience of my life. Yet I know there are still places out there to explore.. YOu want to know the best part I liked about Turkey... I felt free. IT was the first time in my life that I wasn't watching news that bombarded me with the whole be afriad of people bullshit.. I didn't have to deal with much propaganda. I knew what it was like to experience true freedom. Which meant pure mobility. Never being stable. a free life is one were you are constantly traveling. Searching for the answer. THis journey never ends.. Even with ones death. YOu are still traveling.. THis life we all live. Is jsut another part of a larger dream. Anyway take care. I hope to see you on the other side once I have completed my task, and goals on this plain of existence.. That is my life as a wanderer hasn't halted. Once I earn 60 hours in my University. I'm off again to wander this earth for a year or so. Self discovery blah blah blah.. The whole White AMerican middle class values are overrated, and are too dull.
Anyway I'm a selfish person to talk about myself towards someone who will sooner or later die, but then again. We are all doomed to die. WE must accept this. Once we do. WE will be able to transition a lot easier.
Oh yea when you make it there. Tell maliko I said hello..
Hi Donald, keep on hanging in there man. Just remember, you're at a really interesting time in scientific history, and 20 years from now you may be walking around in a body that's biologically locked at 30 with nanotech. Now I'm only 34 myself, but my great-great grandmother on my mother's side live to 114 and my grandfather's cousin on my father's side lived to 112 so I may have a little more reason to expect to see this happen in my lifetime than other people my age, but I am fully confident that aging will be a thing of the past long before I am.
I realize that I have little capability for cheering people up, since I tend to be very realistic, but here it goes... you're overrating *things* a bit, life isn't all that great... then again, you must have had a good one if you think so; most people don't - consider yourself lucky. Last point - when you're gone, it's over, there will be no regrets, or anything for that matter... this fate is meant for all of us - no reason to feel lonely. Take advantage of the time you have, and you might just lose the feeling you're talking about and go out completely satisfied and not wanting more... I know you'll figure it all out. Good luck my friend.
rock on old timer!
I cannot at all relate to the feelings that you are having. I am young, fit, and able to take on the world.
The very fact that you can so eloquently articulate your feelings through such a dry medium is amazing.
Whether or not you physically travel to any of the places you want to go, bask in the fact that your feelings and emotions were appreciated and thought about by people all around the world.
You closed a tremendous gap with your expressions of the way you are feeling. Go somewhere new tomorrow. Don't think twice! Go!
If you come to Southern California look me up, my email is anotherguy159@hotmail.com
Godspeed!
im turning 26 on the 28th of Jan, when i turned 23 everything seemed to be changing the world me and my surroundings I felt as if the world is closing in on me and time seems to be speeding up faster and faster as each day goes by. I was just wondering if this happens to everyone when they hit a certain age or am I the only one with this idea? Oh and for 93 you lookin good champ I think you will live another decade maybe 2 and thank you for sharing that blog with me.
as a eighteen year old student, i guess it is not surprising that we might share different perspectives in life; yet i found that your frankness to yourself, and your passion in life are probably the greatest inspirations to me, and perhaps something i will always strive for in future. humans are mortal, but their influences are not. come to think about it, at least you have had an impact on so many people today, and that at least you are still able to express your voice.
perhaps people usually just do not treasure life until they are at the edge of it, but well, to me, i guess learning to appreciate every day we are given is one way to relieve ourselves.
take care
I've never been so moved by a single post.
Let me just say this, Don: despite all the things you haven't done, think of what you have ... including the people whose lives you've touched with this single blog, and with this single post. You have done more than many people could do in several lifetimes.
Wow. You helped to create the Science Centre? I had so many fun days there. Thanks a boatload!
Don, you rule! I've had the worst week. I experienced a major setback in reaching a dream that I've always had. I've been under the weather, health-wise, and I'm also just getting back from a near-divorce. I've sort of been going through this "what's the point of all of this?" philosophy, and have really started giving up on a lot of things.
Then I read your post.
Thanks for reminding me that I am the captain of my own ship. Life is too precious and short to just let things get you down.
I hope you get to write those letters, take those trips, and do all the things you've wanted to do. I also hope you're extremely proud of the things you have done! You are truly an inspiration!
Hi Don,
Carpe diem!
May I suggest 2 wonderful beers that you absolutely have to try: those are both belgian trappist beers (you can find them online at bevmo.com or belgianshop.com. Those are: Westmalle (triple or double) and Westvleteren.
With these 2 beers you'll have a taste of belgium !
I wish you many long happy years!
Cheers
p
I am awed, it puts things more clearly for me. I look after my Mom, who at 84 seems to have lost the will to live. She's also had those mini strokes and has poor mobility. I keep telling her, she has to fight to stay but I'm not sure it gets through...thank you for a thought provoking post. ciao
In Isaiah 43:5, Jesus said,
"Fear not: for I am with thee..."
Trust in him!
Time enough for screaming in freefall once you've started falling. Until then, live as if you were 39 without a care. The truth is, you haven't been everywhere and done everything - that's why you don't want to go. And you know some things are worth doing and visiting more than once.
But before you go, leave us your wisdom. It's something you should have started when you were 39 - something we should all do while we are young and still as lucid as you.
It is the only thing you will be able to leave behind and afterwards you won't even know you were here.
It bothers me that you have to go too. But you'll be back!
excellent blog, i hope to be as wise as you one day
I appreciate your enthusiasm. I am just learning to appreciate this gift called life. Thanks for reminding me once again.
You'll go when you are damn good and ready and not before. Just keep moving.
As several others have commented, if you truly do not want to "go" and if you are at least willing to entertain the scientific possibility of coming back, visit Alcor.org and cryonics.org
As a Registered Nurse, I believe that life and what humans perceive as consciousness is a function of chemical and electrical activity that takes place in the body and brain. When those chemical and electrical impulses cease to the point where they cannot be restored, death occurs. Death results in oblivion. There is no soul, nor is there any spiritual or supernatural afterlife.
Philosophers debate about Pascal's Wager: “Let us weigh the gain and the loss in wagering that God is. Let us estimate these two chances. If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation that He is.” - Blaise Pascal
I believe that God exists, and I believe that God wants every human to live up to his or her full potential, using all of the skills, talents, abilities and intelligence they are able to marshall.
However, when you die, it's "Game Over." There is no heaven or hell, except the one that you create and experience for yourself while you are alive.
Therefore, I consider cryo-preservation a worthy wager. Let's compare the pros and cons of betting that cryo-preservation succeeds. If your remains are buried or cremated, you have no chance of being revived, but if you are rapidly placed in biostasis while your mind remains intact, science and technology may progress to the point where your body can be revived and healed or replaced. Therefore, if the procedure works, you live. If the procedure doesn't work, you simply remain dead. The oft quoted line from pro-cryonics literature states, "Being frozen is the second worst thing that can happen to you."
Lastly, life is worth living at any age...
Kind regards,
Elisabeth
"If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write something worth reading or do things worth the writing." - Benjamin Franklin
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